I don't know what I feel like saying in this post, so bear with me.
My mom left town this morning. I've been feeling very sad since I dropped her off at the train station 12 hours ago. I have been making great headway in my life out here; found a decent job, made my apartment feel "homey", I'm meeting new people, inviting people over to socialize, etc. But now that I've had my mom here for several days, I'm reminded of all that I had in the NW and I miss what I left terribly. I hope this is just another phase in the transition, and that each time someone comes out to visit, I won't feel like I've taken a step backward. I don't know if that makes sense, but that is how I can best describe it.
I think what gets me most is how far away I am from all of you. I don't enjoy the thought that my mom is just now getting home after an entire day of traveling; that is not the 3 hour Portland-Seattle drive anymore. I liked the idea of being on my own, but also being close enough to home that a quick, last-minute drive wasn't out of the question.
I want to know what our future holds, now! I want to know where we will be at this time next year. It is so hard for me to settle into the idea that we could be any number of places next year, but I won't know that information for several more months. As I type these words, I know many of you who have struggled with similar thoughts regarding your future and what it holds, not knowing where you will end up. Who doesn't wonder this, right? Yeah.
I miss all of you more than you know. I have made it several days and even weeks, now, feeling pretty positive and good about life out here. At the moment, I am admitting that I am homesick for everything we left on the west coast. East coast living will certainly be a monumental chapter in our life story, but at the moment, it feels too big of a monument for me to comprehend.
At any rate, transitions are not my cup of tea. More so,
change is not my cup of tea. But, I serve a mighty God who is taking care of me and my family. I know He is faithful, provides for my needs (which include my needs for social relationships!), and watches over me. So forgive me for sounding pitiful. I do not doubt this is where we are supposed to be. And I am working hard at not "fearing" what is to come. What I know now is that I have a huge support system back home (that's all of you), cheering me (us) on as we make our way up this mountain. I bet the view from the top is going to be just spectacular!!