I don't know what I feel like saying in this post, so bear with me.
My mom left town this morning. I've been feeling very sad since I dropped her off at the train station 12 hours ago. I have been making great headway in my life out here; found a decent job, made my apartment feel "homey", I'm meeting new people, inviting people over to socialize, etc. But now that I've had my mom here for several days, I'm reminded of all that I had in the NW and I miss what I left terribly. I hope this is just another phase in the transition, and that each time someone comes out to visit, I won't feel like I've taken a step backward. I don't know if that makes sense, but that is how I can best describe it.
I think what gets me most is how far away I am from all of you. I don't enjoy the thought that my mom is just now getting home after an entire day of traveling; that is not the 3 hour Portland-Seattle drive anymore. I liked the idea of being on my own, but also being close enough to home that a quick, last-minute drive wasn't out of the question.
I want to know what our future holds, now! I want to know where we will be at this time next year. It is so hard for me to settle into the idea that we could be any number of places next year, but I won't know that information for several more months. As I type these words, I know many of you who have struggled with similar thoughts regarding your future and what it holds, not knowing where you will end up. Who doesn't wonder this, right? Yeah.
I miss all of you more than you know. I have made it several days and even weeks, now, feeling pretty positive and good about life out here. At the moment, I am admitting that I am homesick for everything we left on the west coast. East coast living will certainly be a monumental chapter in our life story, but at the moment, it feels too big of a monument for me to comprehend.
At any rate, transitions are not my cup of tea. More so, change is not my cup of tea. But, I serve a mighty God who is taking care of me and my family. I know He is faithful, provides for my needs (which include my needs for social relationships!), and watches over me. So forgive me for sounding pitiful. I do not doubt this is where we are supposed to be. And I am working hard at not "fearing" what is to come. What I know now is that I have a huge support system back home (that's all of you), cheering me (us) on as we make our way up this mountain. I bet the view from the top is going to be just spectacular!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!! You're doing great, Jackie. Feeling homesick is inevitable after a visit from someone you love. Keep your chin up and eyes focused upward. You CAN do this. I have no doubt. It's ok to feel sad, lonely, and scared. In fact, it is normal. BUT, you have a tremendous support system that is lifting you up in prayer. We know that you are in the place God wants you to be right now. We know that He has BIG plans for YOU (not just Brant). And we know that He is faithful. I love you and can't wait to give you a great big hug in just 2 months! Wahoo!! :) You can do it, I'm praying for you, and I look forward to an i-chat date soon!
ReplyDeleteYou just quoted Hannah Montana! "Life's a climb, but the view is great!" Go watch the Hannah Montana Movie. I know you are a Disney fan. You are not too old for Hannah Montana. My excuse is, I have 3 girls who have watched this movie 10 times. Just trust and know that Jesus is good and always has the best for you!
ReplyDeleteJackie ~ I know you are sad and overwhelmed and it's so hard not to be able to just hop in the car and visit friends and family. We miss you too, very much, and appreciated all of the visiting you and Brant did, especially right after Maddie was born. You are in our hearts and thoughts and prayers. I am excited for you and Brant and the perspective you will gain from this experience. Not only that, but the new friends and experiences that will help you grow in ways you never thought. I love you Jackie!
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